The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. 

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it 

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. 

No one is listening until you make a mistake. 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 

Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. 

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. 

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. 

Never mess up an apology with an excuse. 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. 

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 

A closed mouth gathers no foot. 

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 

Never miss a good chance to shut up. 

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. 

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but it seems like the horses have it all. 

Do not ask for advice, you might get it. 

The person who toots his own horn has everyone running to get out of the way. 

The man who knows how, will always find a place in life, but the man who knows why, will probably be his boss. 

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. 

No one is as busy as the person who has nothing to do. 

In order to know the value of money, a person should borrow it. 

Never invite trouble - it will accept the invitation every time.