Don't squat with your spurs on. 

Don't never interfeer with something that ain't botherin' you none. 

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. 

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller. 

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco. 

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't. 

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 

The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning. 

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. 

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. 

Always drink upstream from the herd. 

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothin' when your mouth is a-jawin'. 

Tellin' a man to git' lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions. 

Generally speakin', fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time. 

Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards. 

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 

There's more ways to skin a cat than stickin' his head in a boot jack and jerkin' on his tail. 

Some ranchers raise pigs and some will even admit it. Either way, they're raisin' pigs. 

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. 

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey. 

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly. 

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. 

The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let itbake, but otherwise ignore it. 

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. 

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back. 

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was. 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.